dido,
My mother left my father with kids age 6 (me), 10, 12, and 16 back in 1963 when divorsing was still a scandal. My father was abusive. She did the right thing.
Strong, balanced men simply do not exist in droves as Mary and others have pointed out on this forum.
So, you do the best you can based on each others strengths and weaknesses. My point was that in my experience the roles may and do change throughout the marriage. Some of the women on this board may decide in ten years to reverse roles with their husbands. I was not good with the boys when they were toddlers, however their mother was excellent. Today I go surfing with my oldest son, which my wife has no interest in. There is no gold standard to me other than utilizing each mates strengths to achieve a loving and nurturing environment in which to raise your children. In some cases that means the women are breadwinners and in some homes its the reverse.
Having said that, it is my personal preference (along with my wife) within my marriage to be the breadwinner. That just makes it right for my family, not others. Besides most men are completely incapable of doing the incredible amount of work most women do to keep a household functioning, let alone working outside the home.